My neighbor/friend Jackson has issued me with another challenge. He did this back on Day #42, and I totally toasted him. So he was a little bitter about that, and he’s very bitter about the fact that this blog is now three months old. If you’re new here, or don’t remember, or just really didn’t care, Jackson is the guy who got me to make The Stupid Bet, which was to create this blog that you are currently suffering through. (Masochist.) Now, I do apologize for not mentioning, on Tuesday, that it was this blog’s three-month anniversary. (I was wondering why no one showed up at the party.) And so the bitterness inside Jackson—at me reaching this benchmark—overflowed again, and his frustration showed again, and it looked like he was going to explode again. But instead, he just issued me another challenge.
Last time, his challenge was for me to write an entire post about lint—which he was sure I couldn’t do. But with the help of my friend TS Hendrik, who completely coincidentally and very bizarrely talked about lint on his site as well, I had material to fill a post. And so Jackson was toast. And now I can boast. Alright, enough of that. The new challenge is for me to do another entire post about … here it comes … a comma. Yeah, that little punctuation thing. Just in case (and for my own amusement) you don’t remember what a comma is I’ll show you. Here’s one “,” and here’s another one (,) and here’s one more: ,. (It doesn’t take much to amuse me.)
The problem, this time, is that no one has stepped up to help me. I’m all alone in my attempt to write about commas. But, no matter, I will bravely forge on. After all, commas are pretty cool. I’m sure they got lots of dates in school. I mean, their only real competition, if you think about it (and everyone does) is the little Period. Nowadays, though, more often than not, he is just called a dot, which isn’t so hot. (Sorry. I didn’t mean to do it that time.) In fact, I just happened to notice, that just like a Period, you don’t have to press the Shift key on a keyboard to type a comma. But you have to use shift for both the Question-mark and the Exclamation-mark. Ha! Losers.
Plus, everybody wants to be a comma. Apostrophes and Quotation-marks have been accused of identity theft. And I’m thinking about going as a comma for Halloween. I had considered going as a question-mark, but now that I know it’s a loser, I’m going to (as a 35-year old) dress up as a comma instead, so I won’t look like a loser.
Now, originally, I had wanted to look up and recite a bunch of statistics about commas, but laziness got the better of me. (It used to get the best of me, so that’s an improvement.) And so, in lieu of that, I’m going to make up some statistics instead. Here goes: The Comma was used for the very first time when a caveman’s wife accidently bumped into him while he was making a cave drawing. (The validity of this, however, is still being debated by scholars today.) The Comma is also particularly good at playing Monopoly, it likes tacos as long as they’re not too spicy, and it has never been to Batswana, but could probably find it on a map (if it got really, really lucky). And, if, it, had, the, power, it, would, make, everyone, write, their, sentences, like, this, one.